Who are you?: The Three Kinds of Negotiator

Are you passive, aggressive or assertive in your negotiations?

Our ability to negotiate touches every aspect of our lives, from setting boundaries in our personal relationships, to accepting a pay rate for a commission. The way we approach interpersonal exchanges can have a profound impact on our success and wellbeing.

In our upcoming webinar, Effective Negotiation for Artists, performer, writer and psychotherapist Kirby Tepper breaks down the flawed beliefs and thought patterns that can hinder negotiation and shares the cognitive approaches that hold the key to unlocking the negotiation skills in everybody. Register Here

Below is a break down of the styles and assumptions of three different types of negotiators. Which one sounds most like yourself?

Passive Negotiator
A passive negotiator avoids stating their own needs, and tends to always defer to the needs of the other person. When they finally do share their own perspective, they tend to feel guilty and over-justify themselves. This type of negotiator avoids disagreement at all costs, and would rather take a loss than manage conflict.

Passive negotiators tend to think:

  •  “I’m a lousy negotiator” – Conceding to defeat before they’ve even started
  • “I’m not sure I deserve this” – Feeling unworthy makes it very difficult to advocate for yourself
  • “I don’t want the other person to get mad if I ask for too much” – Imagining conflict and then acting to avoid this imagined conflict (at their own cost).

Aggressive Negotiator
Aggressive negotiators approach any exchange with a “take-it-or-leave-it attitude”. They have very little patience for deliberation, and so tend to push for fast responses. Instead of clearly outlining their own needs, they tend to use emotional manipulation – blame, shame and guilt –  to get what they want.

Aggressive negotiators tend to think:

  • “Screw them before they screw me” – Assuming that everyone will necessary try and treat/trick them.
  • “Nice people always finish last” – Treat any display of reasonableness as a sign of weakness

Assertive Negotiator
Assertive negotiators approach the negotiating table with a well-planned outline of their needs. They share needs and boundaries in a fair and up front way. They balance a respect for the other person’s differences and needs, with their duty to advocate for themselves.

Assertive negotiators tend to take the approach that:

  • A deal can be reached
  • Being deliberate and taking the necessary time leads to good deals
  • Seeking clarity and transparency improves outcomes
  • Signed contracts are a must

Do any of these negotiation styles or ways of thinking seem familiar to you? If so, be sure to mark your calendars for our October 20th webinar Effective Negotiation for Artists, where Kirby Tepper will outline the tools, tactics, and thought processes required to move towards an assertive and effective negotiation style that delivers results.
Register Now

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